


Nightmare Neighbours

by Nightpounce



Category: Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, NDU, Nightmare Dork University - Fandom, Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Author Insertion fic, I should be sorry but I'm not, M/M, this is what happens when mira and I talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:17:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2732183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightpounce/pseuds/Nightpounce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wondered what it might be like to be the poor sods sharing a building or attending Uni with the Nightmare dorks? We have.....and this is the result.</p>
<p>Author Insertion fic......because I could and because Mira continues to encourage me~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmare Neighbours

**Author's Note:**

> So, Nightmare Dorks University is an au based around the Wangst Comics drawn by ask-pitchs-wardrobe on Tumblr (http://ask-pitchs-wardrobe.tumblr.com/) - you really should go check them out right now (SO GOOD!).
> 
> Mira-eyeteeth helpfully compiled a blog just for this au and the adorable arseholes that make it up (Kozmotis Pitchiner, Piki Black, Pitch Black, Proto and Jack Sickle). You can find the history for this AU here;  
> http://mira-eyeteeth.tumblr.com/NDU
> 
> This is a very loose AU, people tend to pick and choose what they want to be canon and what they don't. Be warned, this AU has a tendency to eat people (it's all mira's fault i got dragged in!!) and it's full of amazingly talented artists and writers. It also includes Proto's pet taxidermied ferret.....which he leaves in various places around the shared apartment, claiming Mr Pickles likes to watch. The others are less than impressed by this behaviour >>

Bright sunshine, blue skies and cheerful bird song heralded the start of a new day. Pitch hated it. How dare it be such a perfect day when his coffee machine was broken, it wasn’t fair! If he’d flung the curtains in the front room of the apartment open to see heavy clouds and dismal rain, he might have felt slightly mollified.

Shooting the view from the window one last, poisonous glare, he retreated to the couch, slouching back against the cushions and settling his laptop on his knees. Well, classes started again in five days, might as well make the most of the remaining free time to work on his latest script. At least it was quiet, Proto having left the apartment before anyone else had stirred and Pitchiner making an emergency run to the coffee shop down the street. They’d have to go to the grocery store later, it wasn’t time for their big bi-weekly shop but they were running low on a few things and he’d be damned if he was waiting until Sunday to replace the coffee machine.

Fingers flew across the keys, Pitch losing himself in his writing. At least the morning wouldn’t be a complete waste, he was actually making progress with a particularly tricky section of dialogue, with luck he might be able to hash out this entire conversation before Pitchiner returned with his coffee. Once caffeinated, he could do a proper review, make any necessary tweaks and then move on to the next scene. Yes, best enjoy the peace and quiet, it would be shattered soon enough by his idiot boyfriend. No telling when Proto would return either and Piki was due to drop by later, no doubt dragging Jack along if Pitchiner didn’t accost the boy first.

Focused as he was with coaxing one character to verbally eviscerate their conversation partner he flinched violently at the sound of a door slamming, cursing as he juggled his dislodged laptop.  
“What the hell do you -” Oh...he was still alone...but that didn’t make sense, he’d heard a door nearby slam, loudly! Clutching his precious device and glaring balefully around the front of the apartment it took him far longer than it should have - damn his lack of caffeine! - to realise the noises were coming from OUTSIDE. Actually, they were coming from the corridor - his shoulders twitched in annoyance at a loud thump - what the hell was going on out there!? Placing his laptop securely on the coffee table and drawing himself to his full height, Pitch stalked across the living room to the front door, scowling at the sound of muffled voices and ready to unleash his righteous fury on whomever had wandered into the apartment building and disturbed his peace.  
……………………………………

Mira juggled the bags she carried, shifting to hold them in one hand whilst unlocking the door to the new apartment with the other. A firm shove with her foot caused the door to fly inwards, hitting the wall and rebounding to slam closed again…oops…at least they knew the hinges didn’t stick. 

With only a week to go before classes started, she’d been amazed to find an apartment so close to campus available for rent, especially one as nice as this, for such a low rate. Expecting a catch, she’d arranged a walkthrough earlier the previous week, but neither she nor her roommate had been able to find anything strange. The building, a large refurbished affair converted to contain two sprawling apartments, was set on a nice street a few blocks away from the university campus, close to a number of small shops and with convenient access to the transit system, should they want to travel to the city centre.

There had been no sign of the other tenants, the real-estate agent throwing a nervous look at the opposite apartment before offering a wan smile and an assurance they’d meet their new neighbours soon enough. With nothing obviously wrong, they’d jokingly asked if the neighbours had killed someone - they had NOT been expecting a flustered;

“No, no of course not!...not that we know of…”

The rest of the visit had been uneventful and they’d signed their unusually long lease that afternoon.  
Another twist of the key and a gentle push saw the door opening at a much more sedate pace but she paused at the threshold when a loud thump and a muffled curse echoed up the stairs.

“Aw…bloody hell!”

“You ok?” Moving forward, holding the door open with her foot and placing the bags on the floor, she glanced over her shoulder.

“Yup, no worries, just hit the wall, no big deal” Her new roommate lugged her oversized blue and yellow duffel up the stairs, a box of kitchen paraphernalia balanced on one shoulder.

“....you grabbed the coffee maker as the first box to bring up?”

“Hey! It was easy to grab...besides, I think better once I’ve fed my addiction”

“Well, they do say acknowledging the problem is the first step so…”

“Ha. Ha. Smart-arse” She dropped the heavy bag at the door, shoving it inside with her foot whilst using both hands to shift the box from her shoulder, holding it at chest height.

“I’ll have you know this box also has the kettle and your teas”

“Excellent!”

“…all 20 of them”

“Was there a point?”

“20 types of tea Mira!”

“Justine, Justine, variety is important. Without it, life would become stale.”

“That sounds like something a drug dealer would say”

“Well, green tea is considered a hallucinogenic if taken in large enough amo-“

“WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN!?”  
……………………………..

Pitch was yelling even as he wrenched open the door.

“Some of us are trying to work! Honestly, this is private property! You can’t just….”

He trailed off, blinking at the two girls currently staring at him from in front of the other apartment – damn, had they finally found tenants? – noticing the wide eyes and slightly crouched positions he coughed into his fist before stepping forward, the door swinging shut behind him.

“Oh…are you moving in? I didn’t realise they’d managed to find new tenants…in town for classes?”

“Uh…” the girls straightened, a metallic rattle drawing his attention to the box clutched by the shorter of the two.

“Yes? Sorry if we distur–“

“Is that a coffee maker?”

“Umm…”

Pitch moved to loom over the pair, smiling as he tugged the box into his own arms.

“Oh, allow me! As one of your new neighbours it really is only proper that I help you unpack and welcome you properly to your new, temporary home”

“Uh well that’s nice of you but –“

“No no don’t thank me, it’s really no trouble” Pitch sidestepped and moved forward, walking through the empty apartment – hmm same layout as their own – and heading straight for the kitchen. Placing the box on the counter, he moved to extract the coffee maker.

“What a lovely machine, a little small, only one cup at a time, you might want to look at purchasing a bigger one, but still more than adequate, aren’t you darling?” He cooed and patted the machine before glancing back at the door.

“Right…thanks…the mugs are still in a box in the back of the car though…” The taller one stepped forward, carrying the bags she had dropped at the entrance further into the apartment.

“Well, don’t let me hold you up, wouldn’t want anything to go missing. I’ll just pop across the corridor and grab a mug…or two, wouldn’t want to have to wait! Coffee is, after all, the most important meal of the day and you really should christen your new apartment properly.”

“Uh-huh” The girl by the door ran a hand through her short hair, ruffling it up before shifting the duffel on the floor to hold the door open.

“Mira…hold the fort? I’m gonna grab some more stuff from downstairs…I guess you get to christen the apartment with Mr -?”

“Pitch, Pitch Black”

Nodding, she shrugged the jacket from her shoulders and dropped it on the bag – ye gods, no arm wrestling that one!…although Pitchiner had been whinging about needing new members for the lacrosse team – she cast one more cautious look in Pitch’s direction before heading back towards the stairs.

“Well! I’ll just go grab that mug then” Pitch strode past the remaining girl, leaving her standing in the empty apartment.

“But I don’t even drink coffee!”  
………………………………………..

“All hail the conquering hero!”

Pitchiner strode into the apartment, twisting slightly out of habit to avoid the door as it bounced off the wall to slam shut behind him.

Wow…silence…maybe Pitch had passed out again or something…he really didn’t function well without access to caffeine. Glancing around the living room before placing the tray of coffees – 4 large, 3 of them black, the other a mocha – on the bench, he sighed and made his way down the hall to the bedrooms.

Nope, he wasn’t sprawled in his room and the bathroom was empty…he eyed Proto’s door warily. He couldn’t hear any screams or creative curses but that wasn’t actually encouraging. Heaving a sigh – Pitch had better appreciate his devotion – he knocked loudly then took a large step back.

“Proto? Is Pitch in there?”

Silence.

Pitchiner groaned and dragged a hand down his face. Why him?!

“Don’t make me come in there!” he was still recovering from the last time he’d made that mistake.

Still getting no response, he stepped quickly to the door, twisting the handle and cracking the door open to peer furtively in. Pitchiner pulled the door closed and spun to lean dramatically against the wall for a few seconds. The room was empty, there was a god! Well, that only left one bedroom unchecked but why would Pitch be konked out in his room and not his own?

Pitchiner leered, well there was one possibility. Straightening from the wall and sauntering back to his own room he pushed the door open.

“Hey Babe, I come bearing gifts~ Or do I get to do that….later?

Nothing, his room was empty as well!

“What the fuck?”

Standing in the kitchen beside the abandoned and slowly cooling coffees, he considered his options. Where could his wayward boyfriend have gone? He hadn’t been that long…ok fine so maybe he’d been distracted by that bike that had been parked near the coffee shop and he MIGHT have spent a few hours talking with its owner. He supposed Pitch might have gotten pissy enough to take his laptop and head to a different café…maybe he should try calling him.

Muffled voices from the corridor caught his attention. That didn’t sound like Pitch but whoever it was probably knew where he’d gone! Why the hell else would people be in the building? Pulling the door open he was surprised to see two girls standing in front of the other apartment – oh hey, new neighbours! – but before he could ask if they’d seen tall, dark and cranky, their hushed conversation registered.

“This is ridiculous, we need to go to the shops!”

“I know, but we can’t just leave him in there on his own...and I really don’t think he’s planning to leave anytime soon...he seems to be flirting with the coffee machine”

“Then i’ll ask him to leave!”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, he’s a little scary”

Pitchiner smirked. Found him. Ducking back into the apartment to grab the tray of coffees he reopened the door to find the girls had stopped whispering and were peering back inside their apartment. He moved quietly down the corridor and stood directly behind them, peering over their heads to see Pitch firmly ensconced with his laptop at the kitchen bench, a giant mug of coffee beside him.

“Heh, I guess your parents never warned you against feeding strays?”

Both girls jumped and whirled to face him. He grinned.

“Don't worry, I'll take care of this," he steadied the coffees, nudging between them to step into the apartment.

"But-"

"Psssh, it's no trouble at all, you don't need to thank me," Pitchiner replied, waving his free hand dismissively.

“That’s what HE said!” 

"Hey, Pitch!" He said, clapping a hand on the other man's shoulder.

The slim man jerked and whirled around to glare at him "And where have YOU been?!" he snapped.

“Finding you coffee?” he brought the tray into view but kept it out of reach.

“Do you seriously expect me to believe it took you -” he checked his watch “5 hours to buy 4 large coffees?”

“Is this the face of a liar?” 

“No, it’s the face of an idiotic liar!”

“That hurts babe, it really does. Guess i’ll just take these coffees and share them with our new neighbours.” He stepped back “Too bad, they even had your favourite blend today”

“Don’t you dare!” Gathering the laptop and charger with quick, precise movements and carefully scooping up his mug, Pitch followed Pitchiner across the room, grumbling under his breath.

Pitchiner paused at the door to throw the two girls a wink.

“Mission accomplished”

“Our hero, thank you for removing the dragon from our lair” the shorter of the two tucked her hands into her jacket pockets, grunting at a well-placed elbow to the ribs.

“Thanks, we didn’t mean to be rude but we have to get to the shops before they close so…”

“Oh! If you’re going to the shops, you’ll need to pick up more coffee. I’m afraid you ran out. Also, i’d suggest stopping by the cafe near the corner. They sell their own beans and their blends are much better than the one you’ve been using.”

Pitch swept down the corridor towards the door to his apartment, leaving Pitchiner and the two girls to stare after him.

“Pitchiner! Hurry up, are you planning to open the door or not? My hands are full!”

“Coming dear” He threw the girls a sloppy salute before following

“Heh, gotta love him. I’m sure i’ll see you guys around”

“Like hell we do...I don’t remember that being part of the lease”

“Maybe it was in the fine print?”

Pitchiner smirked as he ushered his impatient boyfriend inside, at least they seemed to have a sense of humor but if they thought Pitch was a piece of work, he couldn’t wait for them to meet Proto.

“Oh sweethearts….you ain’t seen nothing yet~”

…………………………………………


End file.
